Last time, we talked about the way we prefer to learn, from our friends and families or personal experience. And I said that I always learned through my personal experience, and I seldom shared my true feelings to others even though they were the persons close to me. However, I really hope that sometimes there will be a person who can listen to me, especially when I am depressed or when something bad happen to me. But I found that it seemed a little hard for me to express my feelings. I tended to hide them in my heart, and presented myself as a positive person.
One day, when I had a talk with one of my roommates at night, about the trouble we met recently, I mentioned this problem within our conversation. She listened to me very patiently, and then, she asked me a question,"Are you afraid of sharing your true feelings to your close friends?" I said, "I think so." " But why? They are close to you." I kept silent for a while, as I felt into a meditation (/ felt into deep thought). Then, I said, " It might be two reasons for my scruple(/concern). For one thing, I don't believe any other people can help me to solve the problems, because I am afraid that I won't be understood by them, and this possible scenario will make me more upset. For another thing, I have considered sharing the bad emotions to others as a burden to the person I talk with. Because they have to face the problems with me, and sometimes may also feel bad as I do. I don't want to make them, especially my close friends and families,to suffer from it(/bear these pains)." "I see. But you sometimes need to be helped, right? You actually hope to be understood, and some people can give you support when you are in need.""Yup! I do really long for some support when I feel bad. The advice on solving the problems isn't necessary(/ The suggestions to solve the problems aren't necessary)." She smiled at me, and said a words hit me a lot. She said, " You should trust your friends. You should believe in them because you are close to each other. You should believe they can understand you and really hope to help you, just like you always help them too. But the most important thing is that, you should believe you are worthy of love." It inspired me and made sense to me. I realized that I hadn't give enough trust to my close friends. And I also didn't believe that I was worthy of love. I saw(/found) where the problem was. And it made my mood getting bright gradually.
After this conversation, I began to share some of my true feelings to my close friends. And it surprised me a lot because I always felt better from talking with my friends about the problem. They understood me very much, and sometimes comforted me when I was sad. It also made me live happier than before. So I do really thank my roommate. As I write down this story, an idea suddenly comes into my mind that the conversation between us is also an experience of my feelings sharing. Sharing my true feelings to trustworthy persons do really benefit me a lot.
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